Trey Parker - Matt Stone - UbiSoft - 18yrs and Upwards ONLY
Warning to Parents, GranParents, Aunts & Uncles:
South Park characters may look on the outside like a bunch of animated 2D schoolkids, but they are downright
rude, crude and deliciously abusive and almost certainly not the type of game to buy young Timmy or Victoria for
his or her birthday - these children are literally the kids you wouldn't want your your precious loved ones associating
SOUTH PARK: The STICK of TRUTH tells it to Role-Players and Larpers the way it really is - but with some real magic
thrown in for fun. The beginning is a superb take on one of the Lord of the Rings movie opening [credit] scenes and well worth
watching even if you are not a South Park fan - I will almost guarantee that once seen you'll want to play. If you used to like the
TV show but haven't watched South Park for some while let me tell you that this game will almost certainly revive your previous
association with it.
This game is available for the PC, PS3 and XBox360 - I have the latter version, though I know of only a few differences between
them and they are mainly and more to do with the hard censorship applied by various countries who have forced the cutting of several
scenes - amusingly Parker & Stone, although not amused with the cut scenes, found a way round the censorship by splicing in written
notes that explain, quite graphically, what the player should be viewing.
Cartman's back yard is now known as KUPA KEEP - a bastion of fantasy goodness ruled by the Wizard Cartman and guarded by an
assortment of characters created by the kids on the block, namely Butters (Paladin) Craig (Thief) Token (Cleric) along with Clyde, Tweek
and of course, Kenny, who for some reason has dressed himself as a Princess. Elves and other evil races (kids from other gangs) are
forbidden to enter KUPA KEEP and when they try to the fighting begins in earnest.
Characters have reasonably free roam and can travel left or right until a blockade of some sort prevents further movement. As you explore
you find characters who can transport you magically by clicking on locations on a map. Beyond Kupa Keep is the mystical land of Downtown,
where live corrupt Lords and homeless people.
The game begins with you, the new kid in town, being sent out by your mum to look for new friends. In moments you "rescue" Cartman
and he leads you to KUPA KEEP where you are offered the chance to join their army. You now get to choose which character class you
wish to be - true to fantasy rpg's you can select from 4 classes - Fighter, Thief, Mage or Jew. Now is the time to name your character, but
whatever you type or start to type has no bearing for Cartman declares that you are "Douchebag" so that you become Douchebag the Mage
or Douchebag the Thief etc.....
Once you have chosen you just about have time for a quick guided tour of the camp and a couple of practise combat moves before the Elves
arrive and the Stick of Truth which lays in state in Cartman's tent must be defended at all costs.
You learn the attack and defence moves as you fight. Basically you see your weapon will suddenly sparkle or the ground by your feet
will revolve when you need to press the correct button to strike hard or block an opponent's attack. When combat is called for the characters
involved appear in an arena and take turns either moving in for their strike or steadying themselves for firing arrows, casting spells etc.
This arena combat is similar to many fantasy games where the action scene differs from the view going into the battle.
No matter how well you think you have done in the fight the Elves manage to steal the coveted Stick of Truth. Now it is up to you to get
it back. Through skill, courage, bravery and not a small amount of language that even the gutter wouldn't choose to own, you face up to
your task. As you go on your journey you will find treasures and make new friends that let you unlock all manner of new perks and aids.
Leading Cartman's forces you, as Douchebag, soon recover the Stick of Truth only to have it stolen again almost immediately by the Elves
when Aliens abduct Douchebag and many others. So nothing new then. This is Stone and Parker at their smuttiest, fartiest, disgustingest,
best. It is like playing an episode - okay a long episode - of the TV show, in fact it looks and sounds so much like the show anyone walking
in on you playing it may well think you are simply watching a new episode, it's that similar.
Throughout the game you are collecting Chinpokomons - there are about 30 in all to collect - which are powerful artefacts (naturally) and
thus are either hidden in plain sight or in places where you can only get to once. Here is a short list of the one chance only Chinpokomon as
found on the internet: (ign.com being amongst the places the full list can be found).
- Roidrat - (The Bard) In the attic of the Giggling Donkey
- Beetlebot - (Alien Abduction) On the UFO, shoot Beetlebot on the monitor in the room before the final boss
- Gunrilla - (Gain New Allies) Shoot down Gunrilla from the top of a file cabinet in the government meeting room.
- Fetuswami - (Forging Alliances) This is picked up next to the automatic turret gun in Unplanned Parenthood.
- Pterdaken - (Attack the School) In a locker on the second floor of the school.
- Shoe - (Beat Up Clyde) At the very top of Clyde's fort, use the anal probe to warp to it.
A series of chapter walkthroughs can also be found on the ign.com site. I have yet to try them but knowing ign.com to be a valued website I
should imagine this is the place to go if you find yourself either stuck or not wanting to miss any of the Chinpokomon rewards.
Overall, as I said earlier, this is a crazy game for South Park fans - others just will not understand the crazy logic behind Parker and Stone's
humourous situations. Nazis, Jesus, the Chef, Aliens, Elves, Magic, nothing is sacred to these two guys through their infamous creations. If
you are easily, or even not easily, offended by swearing, crudeness and jokes so non-politically-correct, you will hate every minute of this game
and will no doubt ban your children from even talking about it. But in truth is it really as bad as the numerous war games or car driving/stealing
games which purport to show kids what real life is like on the streets.?
I cannot, hand on heart, recommend SOUTH PARK: The STICK of TRUTH to anyone other than regular games players and role-players, or to
anyone under 35(ish) unless they are fans of the show and know what to expect.
Please do not buy it because it looks cute or that it may be fun for little Jimmy's big day........