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KITTY POWERS MATCHMAKER is a crazy memory game set in the world of internet dating and available on your PC via STEAM. You can even involve your real-life friends if they also have the game installed and you know the pseudonym they are using. Under the watchful eye of the formidable Kitty Powers you take control of a dating agency, and the first thing you have to do is set yourself up as a client. Not that you're actually going on a date but you have to know how the system works and so you are the guinea-pig; and then you find your soulmate within the files on your Matchmaking computer. 

To be honest I am surprised to see that this is a game you buy. I realise that a lot of work, time and money goes into creating games but with so many free-to-play games available online that are better animated, just as bright and colourful and as witty, I am at a loss as to who this game is aimed at.

It's not just the cost of buying the game - which isn't very much to buy financially I must admit - when I say I am not sure who this is aimed at, it's the theme - match-making wannabe lovers. It has all the colourful character types you would expect in a young girls soap opera and enough pink to make you think you had fallen into a Barbie-World of sorts. 


After going through the motions of creating yourself as a client, which is basically answering a series of questions where the answers have already been given to you by the previous conversations and, in this case - the very first time you go through this - the answers are supplied by Kitty Powers herself, but only when you are creating yourself as a client - the tutorial.

Once you have your business up and running a client arrives at your desk. They tell you their name and whether they are looking for a male or female partner and a few minor clues about how their new partner should look; eye colour, hair colour and/or style etc being the most common ones. Then you are presented with a pictorial list of possible partners and from these you select one to go on a date with your client. Notice I said the client tells you male or female. This is another reason I am not sure who the game is aimed at, for same sex partnerships are as likely to be required as heterosexual partnerships. 

After you have chosen the partner, the client (through bubble speech) lets you know their thoughts on your choice. If all seems good then you proceed to the next step - the date. This means a dinner date and to begin with you have three choices of restaurant, shown as country flags over empty envelopes. The flags drop into the envelopes and then like the Shell Game they are mixed around and you are asked to choose one. For the first date of each pair the choice of restaurant is not always as important as it gets to be later on if the dates continue - as you are always expected to choose a different restaurant for each date. As the game progresses the clients get more picky and you have to listen to where they want to go and ensure they get there - you only have one chance so don't turn your head from the screen, not even for a second, or you will end up with pot luck, not the best choice.

Once the couple get to the restaurant they need to make small talk, and again what they do for a living, what they have said before, what their favourite things are etc comes into play and you have to select the topic of conversation. This is done by spinning a wheel like a game show wheel and then selecting one of the three possibilities. This is where the game begins to break down for you are not supposed to allow them to mention the same topic twice, yet way too often the choices of topic you have on the wheel is one they have already had. You can move the wheels up and down by spending the [game] cash you earn but to be honest that defeats the purpose of having the wheel.


After the first bout of conversation the waiter arrives to take the order. Take note of what the waiter looks like as you may be asked to recognise him/her later. The guest will ask for a certain type of meal (hot and spicy, cold with no meat etc) and from the menu you have to select the best choice for them. If you are correct (any time you answer a question) pink "love" hearts will eminate from the couple but if you are wrong one of them will make a snide comment ("I suppose it will do" etc).

When the guest asks a question of the client you generally have a couple of answers you can give, one is the truth ("You look fat in that dress") or two is the lie ("you look radiant, that colour suits you"). If you choose the lie you spin another wheel that is segmented into Red (oh oh) and Green (Yay) segments, maybe even with a bonus in coins. If your lie is caught you have almost certainly blown the date, but if your lie is believed the date moves along swingingly.

My first thought was that this is a game you would only play for a minute or two because it is so silly and quite bland really - there isn't a lot of action or even a lot to do other than answer questions. However, when I decided my "minute" was up I had been playing for nearly an hour. I played a few more times before writing this and it is a game I will continually return to, for a while at least.

Analysis: Short term amusement for players aged eighteen years and older. 

© Chris Baylis 2011-2015