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Surgeon Simulator 2013

This game is so over-the-top that it qualifies as doubly awful - awfully bad and awfully funny.  The player takes on the role of an apparently one handed (left hand at that) surgeon named Nigel Burke.
This guy would be better off in a breaker's yard as his tools of the trade, an electric drill, a hammer, a hand saw, an electric circular saw and a variety of scalpels and hypodermics, tend to show.

  OOPS! Dropped my hammer again, hope no one notices....

The original game was apperntly developed in just 48 hours at the 2013 Global Game Jam in January where players were challenged to perform a heart transplant using only the tools previously
described, and a left hand that has a mind of its own, or at least seems to have.

You move the hand (and arm as far as just before the elbow) using a combination of keyboard and mouse actions and the first thing you have to do is answer the phone as it rings on your desk.
This may seem a simple task but it isn't, and from just this one easy action you realise just how silly, funny and impossible the game will be as it progresses. The hand grips with about the same
accuracy and tension as a fairground win-a-prize crane, in fact the controls on those cranes are more stable than the ones you have at your fingertips.

You can go straight into a full heart operation and attempt to do something to the patient who is lying on the bed with his chest sliced open to reveal very heavy (and not a full set) of ribs with a couple
of pulsating organs visible beneath this portcullis of bone. The way to a man's heart is by using a drill, saw or hammer (don't let your wife or girlfriend see this game) and then after a few twists and
turns of your arm the patient is dead. But don't worry he didn't feel a thing and there are plenty more patients waiting for you to operate on.

   There, everythings in place as long as I don't let go.

The full Steam version introduces new features and more diverse operations, plus you even get to operate in the back of an ambulance.  SURGEON SIMULATOR 2013 is too silly for words and yet it
has a certain charm. It isn't for the queasy stomach brigade and it doesn't worry about spilling blood and guts, literally. Its not a game I can honestly recommend and I don't think it has playable longevity,
but it is so bloody funny - yes literally really bloody and funny - and so much of a challenge to complete at least one operation without the patient dying.

Set to a background of brain dumbing music - loud enough so you cannot hear most of what is said to you, especially over the phone, it is a good job this is a free game. It is mad and it is fun but it has
no legs - then again neither do most of your patients after a while .....

© Chris Baylis 2011-2021